When couples separate, it is not always necessary that the next step will be divorce. When such couples start looking for answer to the question ‘can the marriage be saved?’ during their separation, it means they actually want to save their marriage. They have a hope to bring back their family together once again.
The idea to save their marriage after separation has got many positives aspects. First you are saving two broken hearted people and secondly you are actually saving a family. Some of the other reasons why such couples think of avoiding divorce are advantages of maintaining a single establishment, knowing that even future relationships will have problems, avoiding a painful expensive divorce, and the well being of their children. The benefits of staying with a long term partner and the love that goes with it can make anyone couple think again about terminating their marriage
Very few people who have experienced a broken relationship even try to reconcile. Even US statistics on separation and divorce shows that almost 87% of separated couples proceed to obtain a divorce. The remaining 13% reunite after separation. You never known your broken relationship can be in that 13 % figure. Reconciliation can happen only when there is hope of making up and winning back a lost love.
Here are some useful tips:
If you have any doubt regarding reconciliation after living separately from your spouse, please look around how other separated couples have done it. You can get inspiration from other couples that have gone through a bad relationship breakup and have thought of living together again. When you talk to such people you get to see things in a better manner and realize that marriage and love are important for you. Other people can make you realize the fact that love is sweeter the second time around. This way you will become positive and proceed to do things to reunite again.
Learn from others:
The secret to save your marriage after separation is to learn from other successful married people. You can learn from them the secret behind their successful marriage. Seek the advice of reunited couples who have experienced the hardships of divorce and ask them how they made it as a couple again. You can even get tips from them on how to make your spouse see the love in your relationship. Also learn from them how to build a strong relationship and keep it going if you get the chance again.
Accept your mistakes:
For any relationship to work it needs the effort of two persons and marriage is not an exception. So, when you are going through separation, both you and your spouse need to take some actions regarding reconciliation. To make the relationship successful you and your spouse need to accept the mistakes made by each other that has contributed towards the break up. Admit your faults and the role you both played in the troubles in your marriage. This will help you build a new foundation in which you both can take responsibility for making the relationship work. Also never make the mistake of blaming each other. Just lower down your pride and admit your own mistakes. It is a fact that there cannot be any positive sign of reconciliation if the effort is one sided.
When your thoughts are positive, your deeds will also have positive impacts. Once you have made up the mind to save your marriage, you need to do it sincerely and truthfully. If there is any doubt then you must first work on it as doubts will only make the situation worst. Be sincere in saving the relationship and learn to be modest and take action to win back your lost love truthfully.
The most important step in reconciliation of a relationship is the commitment made by both partners to get back together. Both of you need to promise that you are going to work towards reconciliation and your marriage successful. It is a fact that couples who are not living together cannot reunite successfully if there is a lack of commitment by the partners for getting back together. Both partners should have the will to reunite and should commit the time and energy needed for any progress in getting back together.
Whenever there is some sort of problem, you need to give time and space to your spouse before you start talking about reconciliation. It is good to rebuild your relationship slowly so that you find yourself ready again for the demands of your relationship. Both of you need some time and space to work things out. When you spend time alone you can think rationally and figure out what needs to be changed when you get back together. You can see your own faults and even realize the importance of your spouse in your life.
Be ready for changes:
The most important thing required for reconciliation after separation is to accept the fact that the relationship cannot go back to what it was prior to separation. If everything would have been perfect then separation may not have happened at all. There was some problem in the relationship and the reason can be you or your spouse. No matter what, things that were not okay need to be changed for the better. Be honest with your wants and desired changes. This exchange will help you determine if you both can realistically build a life together that is acceptable to both of you.
After attaining a level of comfort, couples need to start talking about the past. Here try to discuss about the good things you have shared together, some holiday you have taken together or something about your spouse that you admire and so on. Never blame each other for the failure of the relationship or point fingers to faults. Instead you both need to say sorry to each other and suggest about things that can help in your future relationship. If you notice your spouse feeling uncomfortable about talking of the past, stop it at once. A good communication is possible when both of you are ready.
Couples who want to go down the path of reconciliation must be prepared to let go of anger and pain. You need to understand that forgiveness, rebuilding trust, and openness to change are the primary ingredients of reconciliation. It is quite common for a person to say things to their spouse in anger or on the spur of the moment that actually becomes the reason for divorce. Once you realize the fact, just a true sorry from your end can save you from the emotional trauma faced during divorce process.
You need to start your communication in a subtle and nice way to convey your message about your feelings for reconciliation. Your partner is sure to take the right steps to please you. You need to acknowledge your spouse whenever you notice an effort from their end to reconcile after separation. Make your spouse realize that even you are eager to make your marriage successful and tell your spouse about your feelings. Show your real emotions but don’t try to act in a dramatic manner. Your spouse knows you in a better way and when there will be a sincere effort from your end, your spouse will surely get the message clear.
If required you can even take help of a counselor to discuss reconciliation and the issues that led to the divorce in the first place. You and your spouse might also find it easier to talk honestly with a third party. Counseling sessions can help in realizing what went wrong in your relationship and how you can work on it. In such sessions you can even realize the importance of the institution of marriage and how can divorce can ruin your life and as well as your children.
To conclude, the above mentioned tips are helpful for those couple who wish to save their marriage. But before you follow any of these tips to save your marriage, you need to bear in mind that nothing more than commitment from both you and your spouse can make things work.