During the whole divorce process, people go through many stages and feel different types of emotions. Many people experience anger, fear, insecurity, bitterness, sadness, depression and many other emotions. However, one of the most common things that people fear after the termination of a marriage is loneliness.
After being married for some time, it becomes hard to adjust to the single lifestyle. In fact, the majority of recently divorced people admit that they suffer from the feelings of emptiness and sadness. This often leads to loneliness. If you are in the same situation, you need to cope with such a feeling fast as it can eventually lead to bigger problems such as depression.
Before you want to know the ways to deal with loneliness, it is important to know the difference between feeling lonely and being alone. You can feel lonely in a crowd, and you can be completely happy being alone. Never make the mistake of believing that time spent on your own is equal to time spent feeling lonely. Pay attention to how you are feeling about yourself and your life after divorce.
Although loneliness is one of the most difficult things to deal with after the termination of a marriage, it is not an impossible task. With the right methods and techniques you can successfully deal with it so that you can move on.
Here are some useful tips to deal with loneliness:
The emotional burden that one faces after divorce, often tempt them to choose the path of isolation. This happens as most people feel embarrassed. Experts say that it is ok to remain alone for sometime after the legal battle so that you get the time to think about the past, present and even your future. But spending too much time alone can lead to isolation that can further contribute to feelings of depression and loneliness. It will make it harder for you to move through the grieving process. This is why you need to avoid the temptation of isolation and surround yourself with loved ones who can offer you support, and uplift your mood when you are feeling down. Find someone to talk with about how you are feeling. When you spend time with other people you get involved in other activities and begin to enjoy your life again.
Indulge Into Hobbies:
When people are married they mostly don’t get the time to enjoy their hobbies and interests such as painting, photography gardening and so on. But when you are feeling loneliness, you need to think about your hobbies and interests. When you start spending time in your hobbies there will be less time to feel lonely as your mind will be occupied in some sort of activity. In fact, it is also the perfect opportunity to rediscover who you are and what you enjoy in life and to realize the purpose of your life.
Bond with your Children:
If you have children, then they are the best way to handle the situation. Just like you, children also suffer from loneliness as the result of the separation of their parents. So, it is essential for both you and your children to spend as much quality time together as possible. This way you can start a better relationship with your children and the pain suffered by you and your children can be minimized to a great extent. Spending more time with your children will also make you realize about the responsibilities you have towards your children and the fact that your children are still important to you.
Enjoy When Alone:
Divorce should never be the reason to put a full stop to your life. In fact, you cannot run away from yourself and the realities of your life. You need to meet new people and spend time with your old friends every day to refresh your mind, body, and spirit. If you think that spending time alone is what you want, then you must try to enjoy quality time alone. Make a point of doing things when you are alone that you truly enjoy. You may choose to spend this time meditating, exercising, or simply watching a movie in the comfort of your home. You must be comfortable with the time you spend by yourself and there should be no space for feelings such as hatred, sadness or anger.
Make Yourself Smile:
Whenever you feel loneliness, think of things that make you happy. There is nothing wrong with having a positive mental attitude even when you are in pain. For instance, you can watch a cartoon show with your children; turn the radio up to listen to one of your favorite song; take a walk and look at nature and admire it; give your mom and dad a call; focus on doing things that you have always enjoyed; read your favorite book and so on. When you see yourself smiling it means you can easily control your emotions.
Build your self-esteem:
As you have gone through a really rough time during the divorce process, its impact can be noticed in your self-esteem. So, you need to look for ways to build your self-esteem and bring optimism in your life. There are many resources that can help you feel better about yourself and life in general. Purchase self-help books, tapes or movies that will help make you feel inspired. It is hard to feel bad when listening to a tape about all the reasons you deserve to feel good. Also you need to realize that the feeling of being alone is not going to last forever. You need to accept the transitional period.
Set new goals:
After the termination of marriage, it is important to start looking forward instead of living in the past. Don’t look at yourself as a lonely person, and instead you need to focus on your present and future. Set up new goals for life. Your new goal can be a healthy lifestyle, changing the way you dress up and the way you style your hair. When you see yourself in a new look you feel good as a person. Also set new targets for your work. If you are lacking behind your work then make a new routine and make yourself updated. During this phase, changing your job can also be considered.
Most of us remain busy during the week and so even after legally ending your marriage you don’t have to worry much about your weekday’s schedule. But, what about weekends? Especially during weekends you need to plan something otherwise you will remain at home and feel loneliness. Give your friends a call and arrange a night out or lunch. You will be surprised how good it feels to be surrounded by your friends when you’re feeling lonely. In case you don’t want to meet friends then spend time learning a new language, joining some classes at your local college, taking cooking classes and so on.
Many psychologists and experts suggest that volunteer work can be of great help. Volunteering is a great way to improve your self-esteem and make a difference in someone else’s life. For instance, you can volunteer at a local shelter, nursing home, or teach people how to read or get involved in fundraising for a local charity. When you get the feeling that you have done something good for another person it will make you feel good from inside. However, this is not something to do immediately following a divorce. In order to help others, you must help yourself first.
Get help from experts:
When you think that dealing with loneliness is becoming difficult, take help of experts. Counseling is always helpful. Experts can help you analyze what causes you to be lonely, and how you can cope with the emotional pain following the legal battle. Divorce counseling also works because of the simple truth that shared pain is half the pain, shared joy is twice the joy.
To conclude, there is no need to feel loneliness simply because your marriage has failed. In no way divorce is the end of your life, in fact you need to take it is as an indication to start a new life again. Never make the mistake of spoiling your life with such feelings as it will prevent you from moving forward in life. Learn from your past and try to make your new life full of happiness.